I think one of the most feared scenarios with Alzheimer’s and other dementias is that a loved one will become permanently (and possibly dangerously) angry and aggressive.
As I recently read in the comments section of a New York Times article, “Not everyone is still nice or interesting when they get dementia. I have to confess that my mother was a monster when she got dementia.”
Although there’s no normal pattern with dementia, short-term moods of anger and aggression are fairly common. No one knows how the disease will progressively affect any given person; as the saying goes, “When you’ve seen one case of Alzheimer’s, you’ve seen … one case of Alzheimer’s.”
But this particular stereotype—that a person can turn into a monster 24/7—is one that gives me pause, largely because in all my experience working with elders I’ve never seen it happen.
That made me wonder: Is my experience unusual? Is it possible for dementia to cause a perpetual state of anger, aggression, and just plain nastiness? Or is something else at play?
Dementia Experts Weigh In
I decided to put on my journalist hat and ask some dementia experts. I put the question like this:
“Can dementia physiologically damage the brain in such a way that anger is the only available expression for that person?” Or: “Can dementia alone result in someone being in a permanent emotional state of anger and aggression?”
I started with Teepa Snow, MS, OTR/L, a decades-long advocate for elders with dementia and visionary founder and CEO of Positive Approach to Care.
“The answer is, not typically,” she said. “For people who tend to be angry people, [dementia is] certainly going to give them more opportunities to be dissatisfied and to be irritated and angry more often. [But] I’ve not seen any dementia keep a person angry all the time. I have seen [people tend] be more negative, but it’s often the environment or our behavior that escalates them into anger.”
“Brains are so complicated that anything is possible—so I’m not going say it’s not possible,” said Melanie Bunn, RN, MS, nurse consultant for more than 30 years and Positive Approach to Care trainer. “But I haven’t really seen anybody in my practice who I couldn’t do something to make life better. There are some people who are just not ever going to be ‘happy,’ but I’ve never had anybody I wasn’t able to help.”
For Megan Carnarius, RN, a Colorado-based memory-care consultant and a 30-year veteran of skilled- and assisted-living administration (and a hero of mine), the numbers are small. “Respecting the elders I provided care for, which is over 900, I would say eight people come to mind. Not very many people at all, but it happens. There are so many stories about people getting violent, [but] I can count on my hands how many people I worked with that have really been that way. I think people are more scared than what the reality [warrants].”
What Causes Anger and Aggression in Dementia?
“I think about half of [a person’s mood with dementia] comes from the inside and half of it comes from the outside,” Melanie said. All three of these expert women detailed numerous possible causes for persistent anger, including the following.
- Situational frustration. “When people are in an environment they can’t switch, they can get very irritable and angry because they don’t want to be there to start with,” said Teepa. “And the longer they’re in that environment—with people they don’t want to be with, in a place they don’t want to be—all they want is to get out, and [we tell them] ‘well, you can’t go.’ So that’s pretty aggravating; it would be aggravating for any of us! But [the anger] is not a continuous state; it’s that we’re continuously saying no, [even though] we mean it for a reason, to be helpful. It’s not the person that’s angry; it’s an angry-inducing environment and situation.”
- Unresolved life issues. “I’ve worked with families and have found out things about miscarriages or the first love that died in World War II that nobody ever talked about,” said Melanie. “If people don’t resolve issues in their life and they get dementia, those issues come back; and if people don’t get what they need to help them work through that, they can get really stuck.”
- Physical pain. “Some people have persistent pain that isn’t well-managed. That can make people really angry, and support doesn’t make that go away,” Melanie said. “Things like UTIs and even delirium can create temporary, high levels of distress unless you treat the underlying issue.” Many caregivers who see irritability start by checking for a UTI.
- Earlier brain trauma. “Brain injury definitely tips [difficult behavior] a little bit harder,” Megan said. “Somebody [may have] had traumatic head injury, something that has done damage to the brain. And then the person is trying to compensate and they can’t.” She recalled one person with dementia who had experienced oxygen loss during an earlier surgery. “He was a healthy man, super strong, and it was just so scary trying to take care of him. He would just explode at everything. His brain was so damaged that he couldn’t respond any other way.”
- Medication needs. Many senior care residences hew to a “no meds” policy—with good intentions (it’s not helpful to simply sedate someone into compliance). However, wisely prescribed meds can do a world of good. “There are some people that take a tiny bit of something, either it’s an antidepressant or antianxiety or an antipsychotic, a smaller amount at the right time of day so it hits their sundowning or allows them to sleep at night,” said Megan. “Antidepressants can be a small [solution] to the deeper irritability that’s going on with dementia and can help increase people’s resilience and endurance. They don’t get as reactive because there’s something supporting their mood.”
- Undiagnosed mental illness. “[A person] may have had bipolar disease all of their lives but enough frontal lobe function to stay put,” noted Melanie. “Now that they have dementia, they lose that frontal lobe function and that underlying psychiatric disease starts to shine through. That’s a case where it’s cruel not to treat with medication. You aren’t going to ‘support’ that out of them.”
- Speed. “There’s definitely a reactivity to not being engaged or touched or assisted in a way that helps the person process the information of what you’re doing or how you’re doing it,” said Megan. She described one woman with dementia who became aggressive about three or four weeks after moving to a new place. “I said to the director, ‘talk to the staff about how they were in the beginning.’ Because there’s been a subtle shift, [and now they’re] not giving her enough time. As soon as people started speeding up, just assuming they knew her, then she began reacting. And when people are non-verbal that can’t be expressed any other way than being reactive. I told the director that [this woman] could be an extraordinary teacher for the staff.”
- Terminal agitation or terminal restlessness. Hospice workers use these terms to describe a common symptom very near the end of life (that is, within days or two weeks), whether or not someone has dementia. When near death, even a formerly quiet, calm person may start to thrash about, make angry demands, experience delirium, and be unable to calm down. Purported causes range from physical (such as medication toxicity, organ shutdown, waste buildup, and decreased oxygen intake) to “psychosocial and spiritual distress”—in other words, fear and anger caused by facing the end of life.
Not Their—or Your—Fault
Even with this knowledge, it’s incredibly hard to deal with someone living with dementia who’s also perpetually angry, day in and day out. When you feel afraid and frustrated, here’s what you can do.
- Know that your loved one isn’t treating you badly because they’ve turned into a mean person; they have a brain injury. They may be trying to tell you something but can’t. Try not to react with anger or fear.
- Step back; walk away if you need to, especially if you feel physically threatened.
- Breathe and stay calm. If there’s a task you’re trying to get done (such as getting the person dressed), slow way down, or come back later.
- Reassure the person that you understand their frustration. Keep your body language relaxed, and maintain eye contact.
- If you are a praying person, and especially if you know that the person has a faith background, offer to pray for him or her. You don’t have to be a “professional” minister to do this! Simply ask, “I am so sorry you’re unhappy/hurting. Would you like me to pray for you?” If they say yes, ask if you may hold their hand or put your hand on their shoulder. Then keep it short–no more than 30 seconds. Speaking slowly and clearly, a prayer can go something like this: “Dear God, I ask you to bless [name] right now, and to send your comfort. God, please stay close to [name], to reassure and remind [name] that You are with [him/her] and will never leave [him/her]. Thank you, dear God, for being our joy and our strength. Amen.”
- Get help often, and talk to others. It helps to know you’re not alone.
Perhaps most important: Be gentle and forgiving with yourself as you do your best to love your person with dementia. There’s no one right way. “It’s like the rules of the game have changed, and nobody told you,” said Melanie. “You can’t be held accountable for breaking a rule if you don’t know the rule exists. Helping [someone with dementia] isn’t about logic and reason. It’s dealing with it on an emotional level—helping her through her fear, and helping her feel that somebody is on her side.”
As you begin to figure out the rules and learn to love even in the difficult valley of anger and aggression, my hope is that you’ll feel more compassion for the person with dementia—and for yourself. Our loved ones can be great teachers for all of us.
Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below, or contact me privately if you prefer.
Photo by Sander Mathlener on Unsplash
17 thoughts on “Can dementia cause permanent anger and aggression?”
Beautifully written, helpful and hopeful. The Elisa Bosley brand.
Thank you Beth!
My husband has been angry most of the day for about 18 months. He is on medication and has had adjustments to the meds but not much has helped. I feel so bad for him, as I know this is not him, but sometimes it hurts, too, to hear him say hurtful words. Thanks for the compilation of remarks. It helps to hear from those who work with patients.
Susan, thank you for reading and commenting. It is so very hard to hear hurtful words, even when you know it’s the disease talking, not the person. You are in my prayers today as you love and serve your husband in this difficult journey. I would also encourage you to be sure to take breaks and get time off that you need, for your own health. God bless you and let me know if I can do anything to help.
Your post is so thoughtful and insightful. Thank you.
Thank you, Mary!
My mom is in end stage FTD and instead of being angry all
The time, which has been an issue, she is sad all the time. She actually sobs for hours sometimes in the evening and into the night. Because she is wheelchair bound she is in a facility. I have just brought in hospice.
Ah, Kelly, I know this is so painful to witness. Hospice staff are wonderful and have excellent training for helping a person end life peacefully, so I’m glad to hear you’re taking advantage of their care. I think some of the same principles can apply with persistent sadness as with anger; simply being with the person, perhaps using gentle music and touch, reassuring them, repeating “I’m here, you’re safe” over and over … those are things that have worked for me. It’s distressing for sure, but I pray you will have what you need to be a person of peace for your mom — not a solution, but a comfort within her sadness.
This is very helpful as I watch dementia progress (very differently) in both of my parents. My father’s anger and frustration worry me and the staff trying to care for both of them and I appreciate having some tools and ideas to employ. Thank you!
Lynn, I’m so glad you found this helpful. It’s so difficult for everyone when a person fights the very care they need! You and the staff are in my prayers for continued patience and creativity.
Thank you for this wonderful article! Such inspiring words of encouragement to all of us going through this journey.
Thank you for this. It gives me reassurance about what I might expect and how I might best deal with it. My dad died of Alzheimer’s and was occasionally grouchy and resistant, but mostly agreeable. My husband now has it, and I’ve been terrified of how he might act. He’s about stage 5 now, is on a memory drug, an antidepressant and a sleep aid, and so far, he’s the same easy-going, quiet guy, except with almost no memory, interests or motivation. I’ve come to believe that as he can’t seem to grasp what’s happening to him, we’re both better off when I treat him with the same respect, dignity and assumption of intelligence I would with anyone else. I’ve noted that the more respectful and empathetic I am with him, the better spirit he has. This obviously excludes therapeutic fibbing to spare him the pain of bad news that’s new every time he asks.
Joanne, I’m so glad you found it helpful, and my heart goes out to you as you care for your husband. I *love* your approach of “treating him with the same respect, dignity and assumption of intelligence you would with anyone else.” That is so beautifully put! I’m also a believer in what you call therapeutic fibbing; it’s really a matter of entering their reality, which is just as real to them as ours is. Blessings on your journey, and let me know if I can help in any way (in addition to praying).
Thank you for this article it is helpful information for our situation. My father-in-law is in a geriatric psych ward due to anger and aggression. We experienced the anger while he lived at home with us for five years, it started with persistent unhappiness and anger and then turned into aggression. He’s been in a facility for two months and was so angry and aggressive we were told to bring him to geriatric psych ward. He’s been there almost 2 weeks and they have not yet found a medication regimen that brings him to a level of being compliant. They’re doing PRN meds, IM shots to reduce aggression, he is restrained. This is a living nightmare for him and we are heartbroken every day. Your comment about learning to love someone when they are in this state is important reminder even though our love has not stop for him. We’ve just decided that his dementia has killed all of the parts of his brain except for the part that expresses anger and frustration. Our hands are tied we are at the mercy of the staff and psychiatrist in the hospital. We do believe and I think your article validates that my father-in-law is a very unusual case. There is never a sign of anything in him other than anger and aggression. Thank you for listening, thank you for your article.
Oh, Susan, I am so very sorry that your father-in-law and your family are going through this heartbreaking journey. I’m glad you found this information helpful. It was my own FIL that first brought up the question for me, when he became unmanageably aggressive during what turned out to be the last few weeks of his life. So I can truly relate to your struggle. I’ll pray that somehow the staff will find a balance of meds that will help bring peace to his damaged brain, and to your family. Someday, he will be free. https://spiritualeldercare.files.wordpress.com/2018/12/ill-fly-away-gospel.mp3